I woke up with a hammering pain in my gut and again in a hospital bed smelling of iodoform- this particular whiff always nauseated me and that's what made me hate hospitals. More than its distinctive smell what made me hate it was the fact that kept symbolizing death- Some people might argue with that but hospitals are nothing but a reminder of darkness and death.
I heard a guy clearing his throat and that's when I knew that i wasn't alone. I tilted my head with great strength and saw Nate standing with a solemn expression on his face and when our gazes collided he quickly averted his eyes.
It was that moment when everything blurry in my mind started to clear and I realized that i fell pretty badly but that's not what freaked me out- the fact that my tummy pounded the floor with a bang made me sick to death.
Nate meticulously approached me and made a sorry look on his face- he was never the one to be empathetic or sorrowful, ''This too shall pass'' he muttered not looking into my eyes.
With all this pain in my tummy I managed to chuckle but it came out more like a cough, ''What?'' I said with a hint of confusion because as far as I was aware nothing had happened to me- I moved my arms to see if there was any fracture or something terrible then i touched my face but only could feel bandages there and an adhesive that made me retch. I even moved my legs but they were fine.
''What are you-
That's when I experienced epiphany and i immediately touched my tummy to feel something maybe a bump or a sign that the little life inside was still alive but I only felt a plaster on it and just a flat lifeless stomach.
Nate's eyes followed my hands and that's when he lost it, ''Hey don't cry or Joe's gonna smash my head in the wall'' he said with a freakish smile.
Had he gone mad? Why would I even care about losing that dickhead's child. If feeling satisfied about losing a rapist's child made me a monster then that's what I am because i couldn't even feel an ounce of sadness- I would have hated this child because i didn't have it in my veins to love a baby which was a result of a horrendous r*pe.
''I wish i could make a video of you having this bat shit crazy expression on your face'' I said with a hint of smile. That's when he really got confused and for a moment he remained still, ''You're fine with this?'' he said in shocked in a voice.
That's when i realized no one expect Valz was aware of the fact I was ra*ped that night and I also got pregnant by it but sadly now it again became a secret between me, Zolly, Perrie and Ryan and I definitely don't want to relive those moments again so i chose to answer sensibly, ''It's useless to cry over spilt milk'' I said trying to act depressed with a fake sad expression on my face.
His forehead creased a little but that was for a moment because he cocked his eyebrow, ''You lost you baby'' it seemed like he expected me to shout and cry like a maniac.
After Nate noticed sobriety i my reaction he let out an amazed laugh, ''You really are strong, damn it i thought you're going to make Joe beat the shit outta me'' he then saw my baffled expression and explained, ''That asshat said and i quote'' he cleared his throat dramatically before saying, ''If I see her crying- Nate I swear i'll bang your head straight into the wall'' he then chuckled before looking at Mariza strangely.
''Who was the father by the way?'' his voice was curious.
I was not going to spill the beans on this topic because talking about that baby and Ryan was something that angered me.
''Why don't we talk about what a man-whore you are'' I bit out in a loud tone. He smiled and shook his head, ''You can be savage at times''
I tried to roll my eyes but ended up increasing the pain in my eyes.
I desperately wanted to ask Nate about Valz but I feared about getting the answer- I was aware that he had lost his memory but losing memory didn't involve loving people whom you hated before your accident.
Why was he claiming Malifiya to be his mother instead of Katelas and why would he even call that sugary princess his girlfriend?
Thinking about it ached my heart but I knew I had to face it because life isn't always easy, you'll have to face disappointments, sadness, depression at the same time.
Our suffering brings us down to earth and makes us realize that everything isn't in our hands. It makes us realise that we aren't as invincible as we thought we were. We are all prone to feeling pain and we aren't in control of the things that happen to us. Our life must go on.