30 All Alone, Empty, Cold, and Lonely
"So, you're blaming me now?" he asked with a smile.
"Who else should I blame?"
Having recalled that they were no longer going on their honeymoon trip, An Xiaoning asked, "Are you going back to the office for work?"
"Not for a while. Though we're not going on our honeymoon trip anymore, I'd like to take a few days' break. Unfortunately, without my wife at home, I'll be all alone, empty, cold, and lonely."
"…" An Xiaoning sneered, "You'll be lonely and empty? Go look for the goddess of your dreams, then."
He kept his eyes fixed on the traffic in front and did not answer.
The car pulled up at a spot not too far away from her workplace. An Xiaoning adjusted her face mask and alighted.
Jin Qingyan drove away. His stare turned cold the moment he was reminded of her words earlier.
"Babylifewasgoodtomebutyoujustmadeitbetternull:Ilovethewayitstandbymethroughanykindofweathernull..." went his ringtone. He pulled over again to answer the call.
"Qingyan, would you be sad if I died?"
"Rui'er, did something happen to you?"
"I don't wish to live anymore… beep beep," said Chi Rui'er. The sound of the call ending followed.
Not having a single idea of what had happened, Jin Qingyan rushed over hurriedly and arrived at Chi Rui'er's place in no time.
After he pressed the doorbell multiple times, the door finally opened slowly. Chi Rui'er stood at the door, pale as a sheet, clad in loosely-fitted pajamas. Her eyes were swollen; she seemed to have cried for a long time.
"Qingyan, he doesn't want me anymore," she cried with sorrow while hugging him tightly.
Startled, Jin Qingyan entered the house while holding her in his arms and closed the door behind him.
"What actually happened?"
Chi Rui'er remained silent and continued to tear up uncontrollably.
"Have you eaten?"
"No," she answered, shaking her head.
He stood up and headed to the kitchen, only to realize that there were only some bell peppers, noodles, and eggs left in the refrigerator.
Thus, he made her a bowl of noodles with the ingredients he had found. "Quick, eat up."
Chi Rui'er broke into tears again as she looked at him. "Qingyan, I must've been so lucky to have met you. Ever since we met, you're the only one who's genuinely treated me well, all these years, regardless of what happened. I was blind not to treasure you. But now, you already have a lawful wife," she said as she continued to cry even harder.
With trembling fingers, she picked up the chopsticks and struggled to pick up a few strands of noodles. She then pushed the noodles into her mouth and ate slowly.
Jin Qingyan remained quiet as he watched her finish the bowl of noodles. He then reached into the pocket of his suit for a clean, white handkerchief and handed it to her.
Chi Rui'er took the handkerchief and wiped her mouth, then held it in her hand.
"Deep down, I've always known that I wasn't the only reason why you and Gu Beicheng don't get along. He's also your rival in business. Well, he's not going to treat me well if he doesn't genuinely love me. I've always found myself stuck in ironic circumstances my whole life. Some things are always around when I don't want them. Yet when I do want them, I often realize that they're no longer there," she reflected solemnly.
"Rui'er, what do you want most, now?" Jin Qingyan asked.
"I want someone who's constantly by my side, to love and take care of me. Qingyan, if I didn't get together with Gu Beicheng, would you still have married that woman?"
"You want the truth?" he asked.
"Of course. So, would you?"
"No. Are you happy with that answer?" asked Jin Qingyan as they exchanged glances.
A smile hung from the corner of Chi Rui'er's lips. As expected, she was the one he loved the most.
However, she was also the one who had let him down.
Holding her head in her hands, she felt a lump form in her throat and tears began to well up in her eyes. She continued to speak, "How I wish I could turn back the clock. Perhaps then, I wouldn't be in such misery now. Truthfully, I had wanted to be with you back then, it's just that your mother and grandma detested me. They even said a lot of unpleasant things to me, which I could not tolerate any further. It was cowardly of me. Qingyan, I know it's all too late now, but I'd still like to say it. I made a wrong decision. I should've chosen you back then. But sadly, it's impossible to rewrite the past and start all over again."
She stood up and said, "You may leave. I'd like to be alone for a while."
Gazing at him, Chi Rui'er said, "Qingyan, I'm too ashamed to bring up the past. Neither do I deserve the right to ask you to divorce your wife and be with me. That's just wrong. So, just leave. I'll sort my emotions out on my own. I'll be fine after I get over it."
She returned to her bedroom and locked the door.
Jin Qingyan headed to the supermarket below her house and bought a ton of food and beverage, which he stored in her refrigerator. He then left a note on the table which read:
Have your meals, and take good care of yourself
The bedroom door opened just as he left. Chi Rui'er began to tear up again at the sight of the well-stocked refrigerator and the note on the table.
What others were unaware of was that he would treat her well, regardless of what she had become or how many men she had dated. She, however, was well aware of that fact. After all, she had once risked her life to save his. Back then, he had told her on the operating table that he would marry her at once, as long as she agreed.
However, she had told him that she did not want to marry him, simply because she was in love with Gu Beicheng then. She did not have eyes for Jin Qingyan for she had loved Gu Beicheng with all her heart.
She had managed to save his life purely by coincidence. Yet, he had fallen in love with her unexpectedly and stayed in love since then.
She had witnessed the times where he was enraged after finding out about her relationship with Gu Beicheng, the times where he threw tantrums, and the times where he was helpless. That day, she had also witnessed yet again how well he treated her.
Ah… his wife must be lucky. Isn't it a little too late to only realize it now?
she thought to herself.
She broke down at the very instant that Gu Beicheng told her, that there was no need for them to see each other anymore in the future.
Gu Beicheng had never been intimate with her. Even a kiss was considered too much to him.
In her opinion, the relationship had ended before it even began.
As her mobile phone rang, Chi Rui'er took a glimpse of the caller display. Exasperated, she answered the call, "What else do you want?"
"Don't let Father wait too long, my obedient daughter. Come home, quick."
"My biological father had already passed away for years. A hypocrite like you doesn't deserve to be my Father!"
"Oh, I see you can't be tamed now that you're all grown up, is that so? I'll ask you again, are you coming home or not?!"
"I'm not!" she ended the call right away.
A thought had struck her mind and she proceeded to turn off her phone straight up.
She sprawled onto her bed and began crying out loud again, the moment she returned to her bedroom.
After about half an hour, the doorbell began to ring endlessly.
Chi Rui'er sprung up, zoomed towards the door and peeked through the peephole. Upon seeing who it was, she sped back inside her room, her shock sending a chill down her spine.
She hurriedly proceeded to give Jin Qingyan a call.
Having just arrived back home, Jin Qingyan received a call from her again.
Remaining inside her bedroom, she pleaded for him to make his way there quickly. Having heard her shaky voice, which sounded like she was crying, he had no choice but to make another trip down to her place again.
Chi Rui'er felt more and more worried with each passing minute as she waited anxiously for his arrival.